Can’t wait to go on holiday tomorrow, need to eat away from everything and three weeks in my happy place is the best way to do it! So not that I ever really post anymore but I don’t think I’ll be posting much when I’m away!
When I say “please don’t take a picture of me” it’s not because I’m being bitchy and stubborn, it’s because if I see that picture I will seriously feel so bad about myself and think I am the ugliest thing on earth and sink a little deeper into self consciousness and hatred.
and before anyone says anything about selfies- those are controlled photos.
No one made me do this.
no gun to the back of the head.
This was all fabricated
from my body,
designed by my psychology,
my own will to push,
my own will to die.
That is what
makes this even more terrifying.
A year later
and I am still finding new facets,
discovering new memories,
my hands are still filthy
from burying the evidence.
Sometimes you just have to tell people what they want to hear.. Like “yes im getting better” “no i don’t cut myself anymore” “yes im okay” “no i don’t wwant to kill myself” and my absolute favourite “no i don’t want to die” …
My whole family assumes I’m straight and it’s like if I say anything like “wow that girl is so pretty” they’re like “you’re pretty too don’t compare yourself’ like no mom the only thing I’m comparing is the width between her legs and how well I could fit.
“You try and catch me
I’ll never stop running.
With a pound in my pocket and my life inside a bag.
You try and catch me
I know where I’m going
I’ll be half way round the world before you even know I’m gone
She said I’m moving on.”—These lyrics just describe me perfectly. Love love love Lucy Spraggan!!!! (via zazu13)
“I hope you fall in love with someone that wraps their arms around you as you bake. I hope they give you the bigger piece. I hope they ask about the book you are reading. I hope they whisper and scream that they love you. I hope they take you to the beach. That they kiss your nose and your forehead. That they tickle and hug you just to take the tears away. That they send you pizza from a different state. That they long for your touch. That they appreciate the small things you do. I hope that they make you feel wanted. That they will never cheat. That they will stand by your side during school, work and family complications. That they don’t ever make you forget what it’s like to be a kid again.That they find you incredibly beautiful. That they get nervous and excited when they hear the front door opening knowing it’s you on the other side. I hope that when you do walk through that door, that they are there for the next 50 years. I hope that you don’t ever have to ask yourself if you could be happier. I hope for this everyday.”—(via beauty-stealsinward)
I know you’re sad, so I won’t tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day. Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don’t give up on yourself just yet. It’ll get better. Until then, have a day.